Below are the 3 most recent journal entries recorded in __ivan's LiveJournal:

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Friday, June 27th, 2008
June 27th, 2008 • 7:45pm	Friday God dammit. I feel so fucking out of it right now. I've been through a lot in the past two months. A LOT. And sometimes I seriously feel like I won't be able to get out of this spiral I seem to be going in. Since I quit my job, everything just seems to be going downhill. My credit card got maxed out. As did my checking account. It seems like no one is hiring, and I'm so desperate for a job right now. I need money so bad. I have no idea how I'm gonna pay for the next months credit statement I don't know how I'm gonna pay my next car payment. I might fucking lose my car. My 2004 Toyota Celica GT. God dammit. My checking account is at nil. I don't even want to think about my car insurance payment. Jesus. And my parents can't help out ONE FUCKING BIT. They seem more interested in buying random fucking shit. Like new tile for our hallways, kitchen, bathroom and living room. And a completely new stove. And a new bathtub. And a new toilet. And a couch. OH WAIT MAKE THAT TWO. Oh and don't forget they want to get new carpet for the bed rooms, Ivan! And a new fridge! What the fuck, seriously. Here I am fucking stressing every fucking day about how to pay for gas, and my car, and the credit card, and all they can think of is buying new, random shit for the house. And what do they tell me? ahahahahaFUCKTHEBOTHOFYOU. There's too much shit going on right now for me. I'll space this out over two entries, ha. Current Music: Whitechapel
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Wednesday, November 7th, 2007
November 7th, 2007 • 10:28pm	Wednesday Alright, once again it seems it takes about two months for me to actually take the time to update this shit. Here I go on my rant, I'll just ramble for the next thirty minutes. Awesome. hahah Well, I've still got my job at Toys 'R' Us. It's pretty fuckin legit, I get 8 dollars to the hour, and I get paid weekly, not bi-weekly. I've been working a lot, and when I'm not working I'm probably at school. I seriously hardly ever have any free time, it sucks balls. I've decided I'm gonna take a break next semester to just work and chill. I may look for a better paying job, cause I've also decided that within the next three months I'm moving the fuck out of my house. Whether I get a better paying job or not, I'm still getting out of here. It's gonna be different, but I'd like to think of it as a good different. Cody and me are looking for apartments and houses together, it'll be fuckin legittttt, haha. I got a car. It's a white 1995 Acura Integra. My dream car, I'm in love. haha Not gonna lie, I'm probably gonna spend like $10,000 on that car. Money well spent, in my opinion. No success in my dating game, WHATSOEVER. There's this girl in my Graphic Design I class I have a fatty crush on. I've been meaning to talk to her since day 1 of that class, but I haven't had to balls to go up to here yet. Hopefully I do tomorrow though. I have to, or my opportunity will be done. I guess that's it. I'm still game for talking to new friends on AIM. Do ittttt! ;D! xtheProtagonist Current Music: Bring Me The Horizon
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Monday, August 13th, 2007
August 13th, 2007 • 7:30pm	Monday Alright, this is getting fucking old. I'm getting sick of this bullshit. Well, I guess I'll start things off on a good note. I haven't been on here in a while. I've forgotten how much I liked it. I finally got a job, at Toys 'R' Us, it's legit. I'm saving up money for a car, a tattoo, and a few other things. But right now, my main focus is saving for the car. I'd like a 1995-ish Honda Accord. If I had enough money, and if I could find a decent looking automatic one I'd want to get an Acura Integra. Those cars are fuckin LEGIT. After the car I'm saving up for my tattoo. I'd like to get a sleeve, but my job won't let me have exposed tattoos so I'm gonna get 1/4 length sleeves and after I'm done there I'll be able to get the rest or something. On to the lame stuff. My parents still treat me like a fucking kid. It's ridiculous, it's getting really old really fast. They find it unbelievable that I rebel the way I do. They think a child should be all righteous and pure and that I should listen to and follow everything they say. Which is complete bullshit because last time I checked this was my life and I had the reigns. I'm 18, a fucking adult, not some naive little kid. "Because I said so" isn't going to fucking cut it anymore. I've had NO relationship possibilities. I suck at relationships. I'm so done with being single, I want a girlfriend. I want someone I could share experiences with. Romantic and passionate experiences, as well as really incredible ones. But I can't seem to find anyone. I think I'm setting the bar a little too high, but I like to think that it's high because I'm not okay with just settling with any girl. I seem to be losing my friends at an incredibly alarming rate. The closest ones I had are either leaving for college or what have you or I just haven't remained in contact with them causing distance and separation. I haven't hung out with good friends in a really long time, it makes me really sad. I don't like talking about this subject too much I tend to get upset really fast with this. I think I'm done. And the journal entry below this one still applies. It isn't a joke at all. I'm seriously looking for new people-- for new best friends, or really good ones. Either way, I need this. My friends used to be a constant in my life. Now they aren't, my only constant is music. Family is just, ok at best and it's only sometimes. ugh. Current Mood: gay. Current Music: Gojira
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